Brightest Day, Blackest Night: No Deal Shall Escape My Sight

Conspiracy theory? Yes, this is a still photo from the $2 Waffle Maker brawl at Wal-Mart

There are days where you realize how far removed from normal society you have become and it is these precious moments that you understand why being part of the ranks of Those Who Can See helps keep you safe. More importantly, sane, because the day will come when this era comes to a crashing halt.

Black Friday has once again passed into the history books (though economists will continue to look at the sales data from the day after Thanksgiving to determine if consumer spending was flat), but not before providing another glimpse into life at the end of history.

Last year was a hilarious reminder of why one should avoid having a Black Friday shopping experience, instead opting out for the no-hassle shopping experience that

The brawl-for-all in a Atlanta-metro Wal-Mart between Black would-be beauty queens should have been the pre-Thanksgiving warning that provided ample evidence to stay far away from any store on Black Friday; don’t tell that to the (race not provided) Wal-Mart shopper who used pepper spray to acquire the desired goods on her shopping list; nor the Wal-Mart shopper in Myrtle Beach who was shot before even entering the store on Black Friday (though a description of the accused shooter isn’t provided); not to be left out of the action, but gang warfare broke out at a Macy’s; and gunfire erupted outside a Fayetteville, N.C. mall (though no description of the shooter is provided).

Nothing though can prepare one to truly understand the hilarity of Black Friday like a good, old fashioned Royal Rumble over a $2 waffle maker at, you guessed it, Wal-Mart.

So how do you save America? Banish anyone from this land who dared shop on Black Friday from polite society — we hear Haiti is nice this time of year — and let all of those who engaged in the Hunger Games (if you haven’t read this book, do so immediately as SBPDL will be providing an essay soon on this important trilogy) assault on the $2 waffle maker at Wal-Mart use their newly procured device to cook for them.

Last thought: why hasn’t some enterprising Black politician complained on MSNBC that using the term “Black Friday” somehow demeans Black people? Seems like an easy way to garner easy publicity… wage war on using the color “Black” as a synonym for negativity, like Black ice, Black holes, and Black Friday.

So next year, if a Black politician begins a crusade to turn “Black Friday” into “Race Not Provided” Friday, realize the AP got to them first.



Stuff Black People Don't Like (formerly has moved to!
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